Amadare Blues

Well, this is kinda a good bye. After my last post, i broke up with my fianceé (the day after) and he’s the owner both of hosting and domain of this blog. I don’t know if i will continue with this “bitacore”, as i like to call, mostly because it’s full of spiderwebs and dust… and i really don’t want to be a hosting leech forever. Maybe i will talk to him for the domain transfer, but i really don’t want to do it now.

about my cosplay life… well, i fell into a collapse when i broke up with him, so i’m on my mom’s house, going to a therapist, and taking lots of medication for my depression, anxiety and nerves. However, i will start the cosplay seasson in april, i sent my application yesterday with Kallen’s brown and red suit (her… “terrorist” suit LOL) for Cosplay Reunion 3, but it can vary due an insinuation of one of my friends.

Then, i will buy the wig for Yoko (my boots are LOVELY!) and i will start to finish (lol) it

I’m very exited about cosplaying with my new body… and now i’m thinnier than the  last time i posted, because of the depression, obviously. I’m close to “perfection” in measurementes (91-62-93 in cm.) and my weight is just of 46 kg =s. I need to gain a little weight in muscle mass but i’m fine (my sugar levels, blood pressure, BMI, etc),  so stop with the sammich stuff.

and that’s all. I will try to keep this domain because is one of my favorite songs, and also i don’t want to lose the DB of this blog, i have interesting stuff here…

Thanks to all, also thank you Cristian for keeping this blog up, even when we have nothing in common right now…

Kisses and good bye (for the moment),

Caggy

i’m FINE now. And i want to cosplay as never before. Hey! c’mon, before i cosplayed with 143 lbs., now i’m 111 and i ‘m in the need of a sammich!! i want to make my dream come true this year, i want to be Sailor Jupiter at least ;_;. And i’m buying all the thingies i can on eBay, i have the communicator, the “street wear” henshin bracelet (it cames with nail stickers of Luna!! i will wear them for an special occasion) … now i want the Tanbo, but i can’t find it (bawwwwwwww), also the phone…. i can’t find those two thingies on eBay… and i want to buy them ;_;

Also i want to finish Yoko. Maybe this week i will finish with the bra and i will go to pay the rescue of the boots. I’m not cosplaying since… lots of time in Santiago, so nobody here knows about my new body shape =S! and i want to show it *o* with Yoko and my Sailor Jupiter fuku *o* I already bought the jewels for the waist chain *o* I just need the transparent ball and the roses… i can begin to sense the pain in the arse to find a transparent ball that i can fill with roses X_x… but i have a surprise for the public! i will make the flower hurricane with show!!! mwahahahahaha thanks new year!!!!!

I know that my Jupiter will never be like Mew’s one, mostly because of the lack of budget. But is MY dream and i WILL fulfill it, and it will be my favourite costume EVER, just because i want to do it since i was 11. Well, i wanted to make the anime version at that time, but now i want to make the PGSM version because i loved the design so much (it’s very alike of the manga designs and i love them)

I’m like a child with my PGSM toys ;_; i want the tanbo ;_; and the phone ;_;

i’m a 23 years old girl that just want to fulfill her dream, let me be!!! (i’m wearing my street wear bracelet and i will never take it out! because you never know when a youma will appear!!!)

Oh, thanks for reading this strange blog (for the ones that read it). I know that sometimes i’m kinda depressive and so, but it’s my nature and i’m under treatment now. I promise that this new year will be more cosplay and less crying, i promise. Also, no more suicidal thinks. I promise.

I hope that all your wishes become reality next year, everybody!

a very big hug and have a happy new year!!!

Yey! i’m back from my ultra quick trip to Temuco. We (Seigi no Robot+Trasformers.cl+UNSpacey, A.K.A. proyecto-robot.cl) were invited to their pro-Teleton convention. I didn’t wanted to participate in the cosplay masquerade, but i wanted to cosplay, so i ideated something cool just for the stand, with old clothes i had on my house and haven’t weared for ages. Something specially for my stand, so  mecha related that nobody that didn’t know SRW (super robot wars or taisen, whatever) would recognize me xD.

Ok, I started to cut an old tshirt (to show my tummy…), then i toke my old favorite pants (that are so weared out that i can’t use them for normal life) and i barely… destroyed them xD. Just a little (well, if you considerate a little to cut off a whole leg and destroy with an exacto knife the other xD). Dani adjusted the other leg to make it the 80’s look, i called Pili for her blonde “jack of all trades” wig (that one all of us weared in the life, it’s a cheap party wig that looks SO natural, it don’t shine as hell and it haves lots of hair, it’s the pretiest party wig i’ve seen in my entire life. Oh and the expression before was taken from a dictionary, i’m not sure about if the use is the correct, but is a wig that we use as a joker or as a wild card EVER). Then, i bought two of those elasticated hairbands. I made my wristbands out of one and the other was used as a hairband.

and PRESTO! Ryune Zoldark from Super Robot Wars! I was the Valsione’s pilot finally ^^ (oh dear… i will… I WILL cosplay Valsione someday…)

I’m happy with the results. Maybe a little shy because i was on the first day of my period and my tummy was a little inflamed, so i didn’t looked perfect in some pictures… well, this is the first and only costume that fits my new body, so i will use it till it becomes to dust. It helped a lot with my self confidence, and it’s a little step forward to my Yoko costume. I’m still a little unsure about skimpy costumes because i still have the mental image of my old shape, but i hope that it will change in the future. I’m starting to left back my alimentary issues so it’s very possible that i will still dropping weight for a while, then it will stop and i will need to start to go to a gym to tone up a little.

btw, this is the first costume made almost in a 90% by me (just Dani helped me a little with the pants). I’m very proud of that, i’m starting to forget my fear of making the things by myself.

I will post pictures in int evening, i’m sooooo tired now and i will sleep for a while after.

Thanks guys for the wonderful saturday. Specially Felipe (Ryusei) and Felipe (Hal), i love you both guys. And yeah, i will post my pics on “our secretet mecha place” (lol) tomorrow, after a little retouching on photoshop (why i still have black circles under my eyes EVEN when i was wearing two layers of concealer,  foundation AND powder? WHY!?)

I’m just making a copy-pasta from my cosspace blog… with a little modifications because there was some repeated content.

I want to cosplay, badly. I really envy the people who can sew and one day wake up and say: oooh, i really want to cosplay xxxxx from xxxx. Oh and i have money for the fabric!!!. Let’s go to buy everything and let’s start making the patterns in the afternoon!!!… If i just… could sew straight, cut straight and make my own patterns or even learn to modify them… I have a big pile of fabric and projects that maybe never will be make…

I’m tired of asking help from my friends because i feel like a charge for them. Then make their own costumes, and i don’t want to load them with more work. And, how is a favor, i can’t ask for quickness or accurrateness. How i blame this damn brain i have,…. i just want to learn tu cut and sew, that’s nothing from another world… for normal people. But for me is like trying to fly with funfoam wings…

Uh, a happy new (this blog is being sad as hell lately) i got my first international wig commision! yay! Diego asked me about an ichigo-ish wig, and i will carry it with me when i come to Brazil to see the JAM Project in july =) I’m so happy about that, and i’ve already choosed the base wig for it. I just hope to do a good job with that, i really feel Diego like all of my chilean friends, he IS my friend, and i don’t want to dissapoint he. He’s so cute and i really love to talk nonsense with he. And we talk in english *LOL* (i can understand portuguese very nicely but… oh well xD) I just want to come back to Brazil to take piles and piles of pictures with he and his awesome friends.

And yes, my favorite cosplayers in Chile are Kabu and Pili. So WHAT. They’re cute and skilled as hell.

Well, i left this blog unattended for a while. This year has been very difficult to me (uuuh, tons of issues on my personal life, i don’t want to talk about that here, but i’m taking clonazepam and escitalopram everyday and going to a therapist because of them). But well, that’s over.

I’m tired about being sad and wasting my time whining about that. My mental condition has been very weird the last times, i had a fight with two of my beloved friends because of this too and finally i decided to cut this out for great justice. I’ve been fighting an unstoppable war with my fears and childhood traumas, and i think that finally i’m winning it. Now… finally i want to get out of this.

And what happened to my life that now i really want to be fine? easy. I started to think on future instead of past. What if my older costumes were fails if i can make great ones from now? (please, don’t misunderstand me. My troubles weren’t because of cosplay, i’m just taking the issue to this blog’s plot) What if i used to be a “jealous fattie”? nothing.

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I’ve done much more costumes than the ones i have posted on my cosplay.com userpage. Why i haven’t pictures of those costumes?

There’s two reasons why i don’t post pictures of a costume on the internet:  fails and bad cameras/not my cameras

Let’s talk about fails. I have almost 4 or 5 costumes that i consider a fail, and it’s all because of my bad luck. I’ve commissioned my costumes with only good commissioners but every single time my costumes are their first fails. Why? i really don’t know. I can add the bad fabric choice too, because i don’t know anything about fabrics and their uses, but i’m learning and asking my friends after now. I hope this will reduce my fail rate in some way.

Other kind of fail it’s when the costume don’t suit me (bad choice anyone!?) I know that i don’t have a great body and that i’m on the “curvy” side of the force (not slender, not chubby yet, just very busty, a little tummy and big hips), but sometimes i completely forgot that and i try to put on me characters that are the opposite (flat chested and slender -Lacus Clyne for example-). Wardrobe malfunctions also suits on this classification. For example, the invisible bra i bought for my forced wedding Cagalli don’t suited me the day after of the convention… and i was on Brazil, where my bra size is most rare than here. I was forced (du’h) to use a normal white bra (non strapless) and attach the dress to it with invisible thread and double sided tape. And i looked like a big white balloon with that dress… Moro (my friend who commissioned the dress) and I decided to make it like the anime, in just one piece and not like the gashapon version (corset and skirt). Another fail. We’ll going to re-do it soon, and i hope to drop a few more pounds to look like a person and not like a big beach ball again…

The camera fails. My first cosplays were in the time when digital cameras were rare and expensive like a car (1999). So i don’t have ANY pics of them. I really hope to get some of my Utena costume to compare them with the remake of the costume i plan to do this year.

Fails are more than wins on my life, in every aspect. Maybe someday the rate of wins increase, i really want to do it. And i’m putting all my faith on this.

Today i was making some order onto my drawers. I founded lot of forgotten materials… parts of planned and never maked costumes that i have from years appeared, like new.

I founded 2 mts. of navy blue opaque satin (i think that this fabric is called “bridal satin” too), 2 mts. of white tulle, 4 mts. of white microfiber alike fabric (the one i bought first for my Cagalli forced wedding dress that i lost and i needed to rebuy in january), 1 mt. black tulle, 2 mts. navy blue of synthetic fabric (the most common here, called Bystrech), 1 mt. white of the same fabric, 2 mts. reddish brown polyester (the “polar” like), 1/2 mt. purple lycra that i bought for my new Meer bodysuit, yellow, gold and black satin… and lots of threads, tapes, ribbons, zippers, buttons, velcro, etc… Also i found some old costumes and some never finished ones…

Then i started to think… i have so many projects that i never did, i.e. Ranma’s Ukyo, or i never finished, like Magical Maid Koyori (i have almost the 70% of that costume, now it’s too big for me and there’s some parts missing like the ears, tail, muffler and apron) or even bad made and that need a remade (like cap’n Lacus Clyne or forced wedding Cagalli). I feel some kind of nostalgia by looking at those poor  materials and costumes…

I really want to make something with those materials, but i didn’t know if i even could make my new projects, that are so many too….

Maybe this happens to every cosplayer in the world, maybe not.

Oh, also today were posted the rules for animexpo cosplay. Since i dropped Yoko i was searching anew project… i  think i found something, but i just depend of my luck finding Styrofoam forms. I don’t have too much hopes on this, but it can be a pretty project. It’s detailed, it’s comfy… it can be a great costume if i do it in the good way.

I finished the painting of my Nono’s clip, maybe i’ll post some images soon.

Thanks for reading =)